How to Implement “Time-Out” with Younger Children

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Most of you have probably heard of “time-out” before and we are mentioning it now because if done correctly it works, especially for younger children. The purpose of time out is to remove the child from a more reinforcing situation. Doing this weakens the misbehavior so that it occurs less frequently over time. This usually works relatively quickly unless the misbehavior has been previously positively reinforced for some time (i.e. getting what they want when they throw a temper tantrum). Time-out can be used for several reasons: to remove the child from a stimulus they are enjoying because they are misbehaving, to isolate the child for a limited period of time in order to allow the child to calm down, and also to allow time for parents to calm down and decrease their anger towards the child. The child also learns here that if they are angry and behave aggressively or in a bad way, they will be isolated and given time to calm down. This teaches them a crucial skill for life: to calm down before acting out of anger.

When using time-out, there are a few guidelines that are important to follow:

1) Refrain from arguing about time-out. If you have warned your child once, and he or she did not listen, it is time to implement it.

2) Time-out should be in a place where they will not have any stimulation (i.e. sending them to their room where all their toys are is not a good place because they will most likely play with their toys). No friends, siblings, toys, or TV.

3) Time-out should be made for a specified amount of time and stick to this time. Often a timer is used so the child can see how much time has elapsed and how much time remains. It is often recommended to use the same amount of minutes as your child’s age.

4) If they get up, talk, yell or argue you must restart the time. You may also choose to have your child sit in isolation until he or she calms down.

Time-out is especially helpful for toddlers and young children, but it works for older children as well. In fact, removing your child from an escalating situation would be best for all parties involved. This takes some work at first, and you really need to be consistent.

While it is very important to set consistent consequences, and use techniques such as time-out when appropriate, it is also very important to reinforce your child in a positive manner as well. In fact, positive reinforcement is one of the most powerful ways to shape (create) desired behaviors. Numerous studies, as well as our own experience in working with children, have shown the powerful effects of positive reinforcement. It is something you need to be consistent and proactive about though.

The definition of positive reinforcement is to present something positive or rewarding to an individual after he or she has engaged in a desired behavior. This positive reward makes the behavior more likely to exist in the future and is one of the most powerful tools for shaping and changing behavior. In the beginning it is especially important to be consistent, otherwise the child will call your bluff and feel there is no use in doing the desired behavior. This may be frustrating for many parents who feel “Why should I reward him/ her for what they should be doing anyway?” Our response to this is, “Are they doing it now? How is your method working?” It is amazing that a child will continue to engage in a negative behavior or not engage in a desired behavior even if they are hit or verbally abused for it. And it is even more amazing to see how their behavior changes if they are positively reinforced instead of receiving punishment. An important note here is that kids want attention--negative or positive! So that child who is always getting negative attention through threats, punishments, etc is getting noticed. No one wants to feel invisible, and being bad gets you noticed.

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Dr. Robert Puff and Elizabeth Lozano, M.A. have a private practice in Newport Beach providing individual and family therapy as well as international business consulting.  If you would like to read or listen to their numerous selections of how to handle fear, manage anger, reduce stress, go to => http://www.doctorpuff.com/

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