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What do we mean by 'Mature' in the Dating Context?
It is slightly different from 'senior' which has more of an age implication, though the two terms usually apply together. We don't in general mean people who are looking for a partner much older than themselves (this is relatively unusual and a specialised dating area).
By 'mature' we mean people who have reached a stage in life (which may not be age related ie senior) when they have experienced one or maybe more serious long term relationships - they probably have children, and very probably a divorce (or two, even more) in their history. They have worked for a living and learned the lessons of the workplace - indeed their career might still be continuing or even ended. They are looking for a partner who is round about the same age or of the same generation and they have a fairly well developed idea of the kind of person they are seeking - their attributes, habits and interests - eg fun loving guy, must be able to laugh at himself, solvent with a full head of hair, likes eating out and hiking.
In terms of age they are probably over 30 and maybe a lot older, though bear in mind that there are people who can be mature (using our definition) even in their mid twenties.
So, mature people have a collection of 'baggage' - lessons learned, good and bad memories, probably family and community relationships, networks and responsibilities.
Contrast this with people who are generally younger and still looking for the 'right' person. Their career might not yet be established, and with social and community networks being less set in stone they are more able (and probably more flexible) about moving home and trying out new ideas. They probably have less well-defined ideas about what they are looking for in a partner.
How does mature dating differ?
Usually, mature people engaging in the online dating process have relationships which have ended, and quite often with pain attached. This pain will have bred caution and a natural desire to avoid similar situations again. For example - boredom in a relationship, infidelity, addictions of one sort or another (drugs including alcohol, gambling, sexual addiction even sports), unpleasant personal habits, lack of shared interests. Quite often there will also be a desire to avoid people who remind them of their 'ex'.
Additionally, getting to know someone really well takes time - much more personal history to exchange between people in the 'mature' category. It can be quite demanding meeting new people regularly, and listening to their painful divorce history and about their family issues takes emotional energy. Further, we come to a time when two family networks are being linked - even inthe most general sense that can be demanding.
Further, as we said earlier, mature people tend to be older and see life as more finite and probably 'passing by' more quickly. Therefore there can be a pressure to 'get on with it'. This is in conflict with the caution bred out of historical pain which may exist.
A few mature people may have been fortunate and already think that they have experienced the 'real love of their life'. This could get in the way of a successful new relationship because of the high standard by which it is being measured (ie their 'real love of their life'). It may also give them low expectations.
Finally, there is availability of time. With family and social networks on both sides, it can be challenging for some to find time for the dating process and developing a new relationship. This can be extremely frustrating for some people, and if you are serious about finding a new partner then you will have to set aside serious amounts of free time and be flexible about it. This means that someone starting out on the mature online dating process may have to reconsider their priorities in other areas.
After all, showing flexibility is about demonstrating a positive attitude to a potential partner and the importance of that desire to find a partner, in one's life.
(c) 2010 Phil Marks
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Online dating experiences, stories, tips and guidance from an acute observer of the process with more than five years online dating history. Develop your understanding of the process and learn more at => http://www.eZeFriends.com
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